Thursday, September 3, 2009
Thursday, August 20, 2009
Landlord Joke
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 10.16am
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
Thankyou for your letter concerning pets in my apartment. I understand that having dogs in the apartment is a violation of the agreement due to the comfort and wellbeing of my neighbours and I am currently soundproofing my apartment with egg cartons as I realise my dogs can cause quite a bit of noise. Especially during feeding time when I release live rabbits.
Regards, David.
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 11.18am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Pets in the building
Hello David
I have received your email and wish to remind you that the strata agreement states that no animals are allowed in the building regardless of if your apartment is soundproof. How many dogs do you have at the premises?
Helen
From: David Thorne
Date: Thursday 21 May 2009 1.52pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
Currently I only have eight dogs but one is expecting puppies and I am very excited by this. I am hoping for a litter of at least ten as this is the number required to participate in dog sled racing. I have read every Jack London novel in preparation and have constructed my own sled from timber I borrowed from the construction site across the road during the night. I have devised a plan which I feel will ensure me taking first place in the next national dog sled championships. For the first year of the puppies life I intend to say the word mush then chase them violently around the apartment while yelling and hitting saucepan lids together. I have estimated that the soundproofing of my apartment should block out at least sixty percent of the noise and the dogs will learn to associate the word mush with great fear so when I yell it on race day, the panic and released adrenaline will spur them on to being winners. I am so confident of this being a foolproof plan that I intend to sell all my furniture the day before the race and bet the proceeds on coming first place.
Regards, David.
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 9.43am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
David, I am unsure what to make of your email. Do you have pets in the apartment or not?
Helen
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 11.27am
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
No. I have a goldfish but due to the air conditioner in my apartment being stuck on a constant two degrees celcius, the water in its bowl is iced over and he has not moved for a while so I do not think he is capable of disturbing the neighbours. The ducks in the bathroom are not mine. The noise which my neighbours possibly mistook for a dog in the apartment is just the looping tape I have of dogs barking which I play at high volume while I am at work to deter potential burglars from breaking in and stealing my tupperware. I need it to keep food fresh. Once I ate leftover chinese that had been kept in an unsealed container and I experienced complete awareness. The next night I tried eating it again but only experienced chest pains and diarrhoea.
Regards, David.
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 1.46pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Hello David
You cannot play sounds of dogs or any noise at a volume that disturbs others. I am sure you can appreciate that these rules are for the benefit of all residents of the building. Fish are fine. You cannot have ducks in the apartment though. If it was small birds that would be ok.
Helen
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 2.18pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
They are very small ducks.
Regards, David.
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 4.06pm
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
David, under section 4 of the strata residency agreement it states that you cannot have pets. You agreed to these rules when you signed the forms. These rules are set out to benefit everyone in the building including yourself. Do you have a telephone number I can call you on to discuss?
Helen
From: David Thorne
Date: Friday 22 May 2009 5.02pm
To: Helen Bailey
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
Dear Helen,
The ducks will no doubt be flying south for the winter soon so it will not be an issue. It is probably for the best as they are not getting along very well with my seventeen cats anyway. .
Regards, David.
From: Helen Bailey
Date: Monday 25 May 2009 9.22am
To: David Thorne
Subject: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Re: Pets in the building
David, I am just going to write on the forms that we have investigated and you do not have any pets.
Helen
Friday, August 14, 2009
Lesbian Speed Dating
Thanks for this Eliot. So true!
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Sunday, August 9, 2009
Saturday, August 8, 2009
Monday, July 13, 2009
Thursday, July 9, 2009
Wednesday, July 8, 2009
Going to Hell
I am going to hell for this.
I truly believe that you should laugh at EVERYTHING. There is little to no things that I get offended at. Therefor I tend to tell jokes in "bad taste". Who is anyone to tell me that what I think is funny is distasteful. There is a reason why they are called jokes.
Joke -Something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line. A mischievous trick; a prank. An amusing or ludicrous incident or situation. Something not to be taken seriously; a triviality
So in that case you can hate me all you want for telling this joke but you know that it is funny and deep down inside you are cracking up. :)
What is the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?
Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded.
I truly believe that you should laugh at EVERYTHING. There is little to no things that I get offended at. Therefor I tend to tell jokes in "bad taste". Who is anyone to tell me that what I think is funny is distasteful. There is a reason why they are called jokes.
Joke -Something said or done to evoke laughter or amusement, especially an amusing story with a punch line. A mischievous trick; a prank. An amusing or ludicrous incident or situation. Something not to be taken seriously; a triviality
So in that case you can hate me all you want for telling this joke but you know that it is funny and deep down inside you are cracking up. :)
What is the difference between Sarah Palin's mouth and her vagina?
Only some of the things that come out of her vagina are retarded.
Saturday, July 4, 2009
Monday, June 15, 2009
Hate
I came across this on the net. How can so much hatred be inside a person? Basically this is what happened. On May 28th KRXQ 98.5 FM Sacramento's Rob, Arnie, & Dawn in the Morning radio talk show they got on the subject of transgendered children. Dawn attempted to fight against the hate but the other two host just wouldn't have it. I have red several comments about the show but I didn't think it was fair to pass judgment on them without hearing it out of the horses mouth. I gave them the benefit of the doubt and thought that perhaps the quotes were taken out of context. You know inflection is lost in writing so I set out to find the show online. It took a lot of searching but I finally found the whole thing. There were several websites that had snip its but was finally able to find the complete discussion. Here is where it can be found. I was shocked to say the least. There is so much hatred in this show that it made me sick to my stomach. I would like to quote some of the most shocking and illogical statements. That way if you don't want to listen to 30min of tasteless, uneducated, bullshit you can get the drift.
"All boys grab mommy's lipstick and put it on. You know why? Because they are stupid little kids. And they need to be told that they are boys and they don't get to put lipstick on. It is not that they are girls trapped in boys bodies. That what they say when you don't correct the behavior." Why is it that boys can't wear makeup. It is something that our culture has told us is wrong. It is not a golden standard. It is just like any other idea that is spoon fed to America.
"... if the kid ever gets to 18 and still feels that way you say fine you are a failure, get out, be a freak. Understand SON, society will never accept you because we still have some moral judgment" This statement is interesting. Hmm... Even though I am not Christian I can probably assume that they are talking about the moral judgment according to Christian standards. So it would only be fair to hold him to the same standards. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."-John 8:7 I did some research and found out some information about one of the host. In 1997 he was charged with a DUI and he currently admits to talking prescription pills for recreational purposes. His on air persona "can be summed up as a racist, sexist, ignorant Texan." Sounds like a well rounded Christian with excellent standards. He have every right to pass judgment on these "freaks".
"Dawn, they are freaks... they are abnormal" "What they need is some tough love therapy. Who will tell them to wake up, get over it, whatever it is that caused this stupid problem." "Transgenders are a creation of the human psyche as a result of seeing other people get attention for their weird behavior." There is a great quote by one of my favorite comedians, David Cross. He talks about this choice issue. "There's no 16 year old heterosexual boy, confused, socially akward, y'know, acne scarred kid sittin' around in his bedroom going, God everyone hates me and no girls, the girls that I like don't like me, and um, I don't know what to do, and the thought of having sex with another man is physically repellent to me...but y'know...maybe it's time I invite even more nonstop harassment into my life. Yeah that'll be fun, things have been going so easy why don't I just introduce the concept of getting the shit kicked out of me for no good reason by a bunch of fucking retards." Need I say more?
"Transgenders did not exist 4 decades ago. We have created this entire culture and we continue to allow it." "When you allow the transgenders to exist, pretty soon it becomes normal to fall in love with the animals." I don't know where this quote comes from but I think it is very true and can be applied to this situation. "Letting gay people marry will lead to people marrying animals... Just like women voting led to hamsters voting. As far as the comment about Transgendered people not existing 4 decades ago... well he couldn't be more wrong. Perhaps he should do some research on Elagabalus. "Herodian commented that Elagabalus pampered his natural good looks by wearing too much make-up. He was described as having been "delighted to be called the mistress, the wife, the Queen of Hierocles" and was said to have offered vast sums of money to the physician who could equip him with female genitalia. Subsequently, Elagabalus has often been characterized by modern writers as transgendered."
"I am sorry to go back to caveman days, but men are hunters and women are gathers. 'We have progressed.' No we haven't, nature hasn't progresses." I honestly don't think I need to say anything here. It pretty much screams ignorance.
"All boys grab mommy's lipstick and put it on. You know why? Because they are stupid little kids. And they need to be told that they are boys and they don't get to put lipstick on. It is not that they are girls trapped in boys bodies. That what they say when you don't correct the behavior." Why is it that boys can't wear makeup. It is something that our culture has told us is wrong. It is not a golden standard. It is just like any other idea that is spoon fed to America.
"... if the kid ever gets to 18 and still feels that way you say fine you are a failure, get out, be a freak. Understand SON, society will never accept you because we still have some moral judgment" This statement is interesting. Hmm... Even though I am not Christian I can probably assume that they are talking about the moral judgment according to Christian standards. So it would only be fair to hold him to the same standards. "Let he who is without sin cast the first stone."-John 8:7 I did some research and found out some information about one of the host. In 1997 he was charged with a DUI and he currently admits to talking prescription pills for recreational purposes. His on air persona "can be summed up as a racist, sexist, ignorant Texan." Sounds like a well rounded Christian with excellent standards. He have every right to pass judgment on these "freaks".
"Dawn, they are freaks... they are abnormal" "What they need is some tough love therapy. Who will tell them to wake up, get over it, whatever it is that caused this stupid problem." "Transgenders are a creation of the human psyche as a result of seeing other people get attention for their weird behavior." There is a great quote by one of my favorite comedians, David Cross. He talks about this choice issue. "There's no 16 year old heterosexual boy, confused, socially akward, y'know, acne scarred kid sittin' around in his bedroom going, God everyone hates me and no girls, the girls that I like don't like me, and um, I don't know what to do, and the thought of having sex with another man is physically repellent to me...but y'know...maybe it's time I invite even more nonstop harassment into my life. Yeah that'll be fun, things have been going so easy why don't I just introduce the concept of getting the shit kicked out of me for no good reason by a bunch of fucking retards." Need I say more?
"Transgenders did not exist 4 decades ago. We have created this entire culture and we continue to allow it." "When you allow the transgenders to exist, pretty soon it becomes normal to fall in love with the animals." I don't know where this quote comes from but I think it is very true and can be applied to this situation. "Letting gay people marry will lead to people marrying animals... Just like women voting led to hamsters voting. As far as the comment about Transgendered people not existing 4 decades ago... well he couldn't be more wrong. Perhaps he should do some research on Elagabalus. "Herodian commented that Elagabalus pampered his natural good looks by wearing too much make-up. He was described as having been "delighted to be called the mistress, the wife, the Queen of Hierocles" and was said to have offered vast sums of money to the physician who could equip him with female genitalia. Subsequently, Elagabalus has often been characterized by modern writers as transgendered."
"I am sorry to go back to caveman days, but men are hunters and women are gathers. 'We have progressed.' No we haven't, nature hasn't progresses." I honestly don't think I need to say anything here. It pretty much screams ignorance.
"My favorite part about hearing these stories about the kids in high school who the entire high school caters around and lets the boy wear the dress… I look forward to when they go out into society and society beats them down and they end up in therapy." Again, I don't think that I need to say anything about this either.
"The local minority will lead to full acceptance. And what goes on in these high schools is they hide behind tolerance and what goes on in the high school will go on in the real world it will be a hate crime. To point to that jerk in the work place and tell him that he is nut job… that is where we are headed in twenty years. No one can say anything bad about anyone. No one can have an opinion that differs from anybody that’s different." How long will it take for conservatives to understand that we aren't taking away their opinions. We want to just have respect. You don't have to like Jews, but you have to treat them like a human being. It is the same way. Oh and how horrible the world would be if it was lead to full acceptance. Holy shit! I can't imagine how corrupt the human existence would be if we all just got along.
Friday, June 12, 2009
Phobias
I was bored and decided to read a huge list of phobias. I have listed my favorites, with commentary.
Asymmetriphobia- Fear of asymmetrical things (the only people who don't like my totties)
Centophobia- Fear of new things or ideas (also known as conservatives)
Chaetophobia- Fear of hair (these people are not a fan of your legs)
Geniophobia- Fear of chins (shouldn't live in China Town)
Ithyphallophobia- Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis (a very lonely and pointless life)
Mythophobia- Fear of myths or stories or false statements (should not read the Bible)
Politicophobia- Fear or abnormal dislike of politicians (all of America thanks to Bush)
Proctophobia- Fear of rectums (not the men I hang out with)
Sophophobia- Fear of learning (Liberal Art majors.... wait, I guess we can't make fun of them anymore)
Asymmetriphobia- Fear of asymmetrical things (the only people who don't like my totties)
Centophobia- Fear of new things or ideas (also known as conservatives)
Chaetophobia- Fear of hair (these people are not a fan of your legs)
Geniophobia- Fear of chins (shouldn't live in China Town)
Ithyphallophobia- Fear of seeing, thinking about or having an erect penis (a very lonely and pointless life)
Mythophobia- Fear of myths or stories or false statements (should not read the Bible)
Politicophobia- Fear or abnormal dislike of politicians (all of America thanks to Bush)
Proctophobia- Fear of rectums (not the men I hang out with)
Sophophobia- Fear of learning (Liberal Art majors.... wait, I guess we can't make fun of them anymore)
Friday, May 29, 2009
Sunday, May 24, 2009
Bo Burnham
If you don't know who Bo Burnham is then please check him out on youtube. This one is my favorite one.
"Two balls minus one is six titles in the Tour De France"
"How do you trace a scatter plot? You give the pencil to Michael J. Fox"
"If Kim is half as old as Bobby who is two years older then twelve year old Tori, for how many more 30 day months will their threesomes be considered statutory rape"
"Squaring numbers are just like women, if they're under thirteen just do them in your head"
"Two balls minus one is six titles in the Tour De France"
"How do you trace a scatter plot? You give the pencil to Michael J. Fox"
"If Kim is half as old as Bobby who is two years older then twelve year old Tori, for how many more 30 day months will their threesomes be considered statutory rape"
"Squaring numbers are just like women, if they're under thirteen just do them in your head"
Friday, May 22, 2009
Mmmm.... good!
This is a random list of funny shit that I have found on the net that I had stuffed in my favorites. Enjoy!
New book
Steamin' add
Sex and calories Please note "REMOVING HER CLOTHES: With her consent....................... 12 Calories Without her consent...................187 Calories
Fail!
DnD fans must watch
Endothermic?
BRB
Robots
Without love
Angel FAIL
Durex
Jesus?
New book
Steamin' add
Sex and calories Please note "REMOVING HER CLOTHES: With her consent....................... 12 Calories Without her consent...................187 Calories
Fail!
DnD fans must watch
Endothermic?
BRB
Robots
Without love
Angel FAIL
Durex
Jesus?
Perry Bible Fellowship
This is another web comic that isn't updated anymore but it is guaranteed to offend. So naturally, I love it. I have picked out some of my favorites again. So lucky you don't have to go through all of them if you don't wish. enjoy!
Man with no penis
Left brain, right brain
Mountain dad
No survivors
Mrs Hammer
Snowflake
Billy the bunny
Shotgun
Bumble buzzing
Food fight
Cops
Gingerbread man
Atlantus
Pop!
Finneas
Math
Man with no penis
Left brain, right brain
Mountain dad
No survivors
Mrs Hammer
Snowflake
Billy the bunny
Shotgun
Bumble buzzing
Food fight
Cops
Gingerbread man
Atlantus
Pop!
Finneas
Math
XKCD
This is my favorite webcomic. It is stunning! Again, here are my favorites. Enjoy!
Bug
Clark Gable
Dating pools
Donner
Fermirotica
Frustration
Hitler
Riemann-zeta
Schrodinger
Science
Swine Flu
Tag combination
X girls Y cups
Bug
Clark Gable
Dating pools
Donner
Fermirotica
Frustration
Hitler
Riemann-zeta
Schrodinger
Science
Swine Flu
Tag combination
X girls Y cups
A Softer World
I read a few webcomics. This one is one of my favorites. Some of them are very very sad. Others are marvously shocking. I have posted some of my favorites for your enjoyment.
Art
Wind chimes
Robots
Baby shower
Suicide
Children
Pet names
Gay
Psychic
Dating sucks
Lost memory
Depressed?
Art
Wind chimes
Robots
Baby shower
Suicide
Children
Pet names
Gay
Psychic
Dating sucks
Lost memory
Depressed?
Fisting and God's will
Please go to www.sexinchrist.com you will not be disappointed. I have quoted some of my favorite topics. Enjoy!
"Fisting as an Act of Faith
Before attempting fisting, a Christian husband and wife should pray together and ask for divine guidance. The husband should ask that God guide his hand and work through him, and for the skill and patience to fist his wife correctly and maximize her pleasure. The wife should pray for openness and readiness to receive God’s love and grace in the form of her husband’s hand. Both should treat the act of fisting as a divine spiritual mystery to be entered into with reverence and awe, especially the husband. In another spiritual interpretation of fisting, as he inserts his hand into his wife’s vagina, a man is symbolically re-enacting the moment of truth following Christ’s resurrection from the tomb."
Fist your wife, It will bring you closer to God!
"Anal Sex in Accordance with God's Will
Are you saving yourself for your wedding night? The Devil wants you to fail, that’s why he puts stumbling blocks in your way. But God wants you to succeed, and that’s why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex. Through anal sex, you can satisfy your body’s needs, while you avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy and still keep yourself pure for marriage."
Go ahead kids, put it in your pooper. God gave you an anus so you can save yourself for marriage.
"Christan Threesoms
Although two men having simultaneous sexual relations with one woman may not have any overt homosexual contact between them, the act of sharing a woman and being together in a sexual situation is nevertheless homoerotic and suggests implied homosexuality, as well as presenting a temptation to experiment where one may ordinarily not. For this reason, we feel it is best for a couple to avoid bringing another man into the picture. Most people assume the Biblical prohibition against male homosexuality also includes sex between women – lesbianism or female bisexuality. However, this is a questionable conclusion, since the Bible makes little or no mention of women with regard to this subject, and because the Bible, for better or worse, often holds men and women to different standards regarding sex and sexual roles. Therefore, we believe that lesbianism cannot be seen in the same light as male homosexuality through the Scriptures. Of course, this does have relevance to the issue of female homosexuality, as many lesbians do assume masculine roles and attitudes, adopt male clothing and mannerisms, and play the part of a male in their relationships with women. Women who fall into this category (“butch” lesbians, or “bulldykes”) are indeed going against nature with regards to their sexuality. At the same time, however, there are many women who engage in lesbian or bisexual activity who nevertheless maintain a traditional feminine role and demeanor (i.e., “lipstick” lesbians). Since there is no specific prohibition against lesbian sex, as long as these women remain within the boundaries of the female role prescribed by Scripture, and submit to the authority of the men in their lives, we assume it is permissible. Of course, if their husband or father objected, that would be another story."
You can be a lesbian as long as you wear a dress and your dad is ok with it.
"Bondage in Christ
BDSM does not necessarily have to involve whips and chains, black leather, or dungeon gear, although if they find these props help them get in the mood, there is not reason why Christians should not use them. There's nothing sinful about these items. In fact, they are part of the Christian heritage. As Paul wrote to the Corinthians, I beat my body and bring it into submission, for fear that by any means, that after I have preached to others, I myself should be rejected. (1 Corinthians 9:27) Many SM devices, such as floggers, whips, clamps, chastity belts, and the cat o'nine tails, bear close resemblance to used a wide array of devices early Christian penitents to whip their bodies and mortify their flesh. They did this to submit their bodies to Christ, to emulate his suffering on the Cross, and purify themselves spiritually and attain a closer union with God. Many BDSM practitioners describe a feeling of spiritual union with their partners that transcends physical sexuality.
Can a Man Be Submissive to His Wife?
This is a tricky question but a very important one that needs to be addressed. We believe that a man can adopt a submissive and servile role and allow his wife to dominate him sexually, if it is absolutely clear that outside of the bedroom, the husband is the spiritual head of the marriage. Just as a woman gives the gift of submission to her husband, there is no reason why, for their mutual sexual gratification, a man should not submit his body to his wife for her use and serve her sexually. This is totally in alignment with the Biblical command that husband and wife give each other "due benevolence"; her body is meant for his sexual enjoyment and vice versa. However, this reversal of roles in the context of sexual relations is only possible due to the sanctity of the marriage bed, and an explicit understanding on the parts of both the husband and wife that they will adopt “natural” roles in the rest of their daily lives. We would counsel against couples living the wife dominant/husband submissive roles “24/7”, as this could lead to spiritual confusion."
Tie and flog each other. It will bring you closer to Christ because he was flogged when he was dying for your sins...so go ahead and reenact this for your sexual pleasure. Also... make sure that the wife is the submissive one because she might start thinking that her opinion matters and she can do things without her husband... like leaving the kitchen.
*SIGH* I don't understand Christianity sometimes.
*So I posted this on the social networking sites that I am on and here are the best comments that were said*
Mmm, bulldykes.
oooooohhhhh I agree with the fisting but it hurts like the devil! hahaha
Just like anything else, Christianity has its uh, weird uncles that only come around on holidays. This site is so foreign to the spirituality I subscribe to that I can't even be offended. There's just no way I could associate myself with something so absolutely absurd. I kind of wish this were a prank website, but since it is worded in a way that seems legit...well, guess you can't get rid of the weird uncles of the world, can you. ;)
"Fisting as an Act of Faith
Before attempting fisting, a Christian husband and wife should pray together and ask for divine guidance. The husband should ask that God guide his hand and work through him, and for the skill and patience to fist his wife correctly and maximize her pleasure. The wife should pray for openness and readiness to receive God’s love and grace in the form of her husband’s hand. Both should treat the act of fisting as a divine spiritual mystery to be entered into with reverence and awe, especially the husband. In another spiritual interpretation of fisting, as he inserts his hand into his wife’s vagina, a man is symbolically re-enacting the moment of truth following Christ’s resurrection from the tomb."
Fist your wife, It will bring you closer to God!
"Anal Sex in Accordance with God's Will
Are you saving yourself for your wedding night? The Devil wants you to fail, that’s why he puts stumbling blocks in your way. But God wants you to succeed, and that’s why he has given us an alternative to intercourse before marriage: anal sex. Through anal sex, you can satisfy your body’s needs, while you avoid the risk of unwanted pregnancy and still keep yourself pure for marriage."
Go ahead kids, put it in your pooper. God gave you an anus so you can save yourself for marriage.
"Christan Threesoms
Although two men having simultaneous sexual relations with one woman may not have any overt homosexual contact between them, the act of sharing a woman and being together in a sexual situation is nevertheless homoerotic and suggests implied homosexuality, as well as presenting a temptation to experiment where one may ordinarily not. For this reason, we feel it is best for a couple to avoid bringing another man into the picture. Most people assume the Biblical prohibition against male homosexuality also includes sex between women – lesbianism or female bisexuality. However, this is a questionable conclusion, since the Bible makes little or no mention of women with regard to this subject, and because the Bible, for better or worse, often holds men and women to different standards regarding sex and sexual roles. Therefore, we believe that lesbianism cannot be seen in the same light as male homosexuality through the Scriptures. Of course, this does have relevance to the issue of female homosexuality, as many lesbians do assume masculine roles and attitudes, adopt male clothing and mannerisms, and play the part of a male in their relationships with women. Women who fall into this category (“butch” lesbians, or “bulldykes”) are indeed going against nature with regards to their sexuality. At the same time, however, there are many women who engage in lesbian or bisexual activity who nevertheless maintain a traditional feminine role and demeanor (i.e., “lipstick” lesbians). Since there is no specific prohibition against lesbian sex, as long as these women remain within the boundaries of the female role prescribed by Scripture, and submit to the authority of the men in their lives, we assume it is permissible. Of course, if their husband or father objected, that would be another story."
You can be a lesbian as long as you wear a dress and your dad is ok with it.
"Bondage in Christ
BDSM does not necessarily have to involve whips and chains, black leather, or dungeon gear, although if they find these props help them get in the mood, there is not reason why Christians should not use them. There's nothing sinful about these items. In fact, they are part of the Christian heritage. As Paul wrote to the Corinthians, I beat my body and bring it into submission, for fear that by any means, that after I have preached to others, I myself should be rejected. (1 Corinthians 9:27) Many SM devices, such as floggers, whips, clamps, chastity belts, and the cat o'nine tails, bear close resemblance to used a wide array of devices early Christian penitents to whip their bodies and mortify their flesh. They did this to submit their bodies to Christ, to emulate his suffering on the Cross, and purify themselves spiritually and attain a closer union with God. Many BDSM practitioners describe a feeling of spiritual union with their partners that transcends physical sexuality.
Can a Man Be Submissive to His Wife?
This is a tricky question but a very important one that needs to be addressed. We believe that a man can adopt a submissive and servile role and allow his wife to dominate him sexually, if it is absolutely clear that outside of the bedroom, the husband is the spiritual head of the marriage. Just as a woman gives the gift of submission to her husband, there is no reason why, for their mutual sexual gratification, a man should not submit his body to his wife for her use and serve her sexually. This is totally in alignment with the Biblical command that husband and wife give each other "due benevolence"; her body is meant for his sexual enjoyment and vice versa. However, this reversal of roles in the context of sexual relations is only possible due to the sanctity of the marriage bed, and an explicit understanding on the parts of both the husband and wife that they will adopt “natural” roles in the rest of their daily lives. We would counsel against couples living the wife dominant/husband submissive roles “24/7”, as this could lead to spiritual confusion."
Tie and flog each other. It will bring you closer to Christ because he was flogged when he was dying for your sins...so go ahead and reenact this for your sexual pleasure. Also... make sure that the wife is the submissive one because she might start thinking that her opinion matters and she can do things without her husband... like leaving the kitchen.
*SIGH* I don't understand Christianity sometimes.
*So I posted this on the social networking sites that I am on and here are the best comments that were said*
Mmm, bulldykes.
oooooohhhhh I agree with the fisting but it hurts like the devil! hahaha
Just like anything else, Christianity has its uh, weird uncles that only come around on holidays. This site is so foreign to the spirituality I subscribe to that I can't even be offended. There's just no way I could associate myself with something so absolutely absurd. I kind of wish this were a prank website, but since it is worded in a way that seems legit...well, guess you can't get rid of the weird uncles of the world, can you. ;)
The Holy Grail
I have found the holy grail. The true meaning to life. I am so so so excited about it. In fact I called my best female friends and told them right away. So what is it? What could cause such excitement??It all happened when I was surfing the web. I came across this site:
http://otoh.org/mirror/res
Sweet Jesus! I can pee standing up?!?!?!
I immediately ran to the bathroom and followed the seven steps. I was amazed when everything went smooth sailing. "Holy shit! I just pee-ed standing up"!
I am now drinking water and am excited and patiently waiting, for the first time in my life, for that familiar feeling.
Think about the last time that you had to use a nasty bathroom or a porta potty. Now tell me you aren't excited about this!
If anyone else tries this let me know. And for all women out there reading this: you are welcome.
Something for the gays... and the people that love them
Here are some great things that you need to watch. Enjoy!
Huckabee gets told!
Prop 8: The Musical
Ban Homosexuality!
Why can't I own a Canadian?
"Biblical" Marriage
The Gay "Agenda"
Chart of The Gay "Agenda"
Huckabee gets told!
Prop 8: The Musical
Ban Homosexuality!
Why can't I own a Canadian?
"Biblical" Marriage
The Gay "Agenda"
Chart of The Gay "Agenda"
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